Each Winding Path

Two years ago today, my Papa was given the privilege of meeting his Savior face to face. A few days later on Good Friday, we, like the disciples a few thousand years before us, felt the mournful reality of death. But unlike the disciples, we knew the rest of the story. On that darkest of days we rejoiced in knowing that while Papa’s body was laid to rest in the ground, his soul was even then worshipping a Savior who conquered death and promised one day to bring all of His children to His side. Papa got to experience that blessing, a fulfillment of his hopes, a bit before the rest of us. His passing left a jagged hole in all our lives that has healed around the edges in the passing days but still remains a fixed part of our family’s reality.

I spoke at Papa’s funeral about his many roles in the family. He truly was the quintessential patriarch, respected and revered for his wisdom and experience and loved dearly for his ability to make anyone laugh and being so quick to tell his grandchildren, “I am so, so proud of you.”

But the one thing that stuck out to me when I was preparing my speech for the funeral, and what has remained a fixture in my mind when I’ve thought of Papa since that time, was his love of music. I’ll always fondly remember him singing hymns in his favorite church pew in his rich baritone and then laughingly singing “Hit the Road, Jack” on every. single. roadtrip. One of his favorite hymns, or at least one that he seemed to sing most often, was Count Your Blessings. Some of Papa’s last breaths were used asking the Lord for grace. And God in His wisdom granted him that grace by giving him ultimate rest in His presence. This must have been his greatest blessing. But the Lord has continued to bless the Parrish family even in the midst of loss. I told those in attendance at Papa’s funeral that we would get through the days ahead by counting our blessings, and I think it fitting to give thanks, to recognize the graces He has shown, to count our blessings today.

1. The Lord has been faithful to us in the past two years without our Papa. His promises have become more real to us, our hope in the resurrection even more vital to our faith.
2. Our sweet, sweet Lucy was given to us. I see this as such a tangible reminder that the same Lord that is with His children at the end of life also gives life, and blesses us in ways we couldn’t have imagined.
3. One of the most touching ways the Lord has blessed me personally in the past two years has been in the ability for me to watch my godly Nana’s unshakeable faith in the face of such heart-breaking loss. She has remained steady because she has built her life on the firm foundation of our unchanging God rather than the ever-changing circumstances of this life.

Even with these blessings, the past two years have been hard. This day will always carry the sting of loss, the darkness of Good Friday. We will always mourn, but not as those who have no hope. Because Good Friday was when we laid our Papa’s body in the ground. But praise God, Easter morning is a reality we believe in. Friday is dark, but Sunday’s comin’! This is not where the story ends. And until then, through Christ all is grace.

This past week, Zach and I, along with his parents, took a trip to the UK for his Cambridge graduation. It was the first time out of the country for my in-laws, and boy, did they get a crash course in trans-continental traveling! Zach and I were supposed to meet them in Atlanta where we would all be on the same flight to London, then catch a bus to another London airport to fly on to Glasgow. We thought we would be available to guide them through the airport maze and answer any questions about customs and border patrol.

But you know what they say about best-laid plans…

As Zach and I were walking away from the check-in counter in Atlanta where we’d just sent off our checked bags, Zach got a call.

“Hey, our plane to Atlanta has a problem with its brake system. They’re working on it and will tell us soon how long it will be before we can take off.”

Thus began hours of phone calls, delays, and scrambling to re-book flights and convey as much information as possible via text, while Zach and I flew over the Atlantic several hours ahead of his parents. They stepped up to the challenge of navigating these new experiences like pros, though, and met us in Glasgow later the next night. They even chose to walk the mile from the bus station with us to our Air BnB instead of catching a cab! We Vickerys are a strong bunch.

After all of that craziness, the rest of the trip was fairly smooth (and very cold!). We spent the next day and a half enjoying Glasgow while Zach met with his supervisor, and then it was on to Cambridge for the rest of the week. We enjoyed as much of Cambridge history, architecture, and food as possible in the few days we were there, even fitting in an Evensong Service at King’s College Chapel. And if Mrs. Susan’s FitBit data is to be believed, we walked a total of 145,834 steps (that’s 69.21 miles for those of you following along at home)!

Then came Saturday and Zach’s graduation ceremony. He got all dressed up in his academic robes and white bow tie and paraded down the streets of Cambridge with other members of his college on the way to the Senate House. He told me that was when he felt most like a Cambridge student. Then he stood with other members of Magdalene College while the Praelector told the Deputy Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge (in Latin, of course) that he deserved to have his degree conferred upon him due to his moral and academic standing. He knelt in front of the Vice-Chancellor (whose voice sounded just like Judy Dench) and she clasped his hands and, to put it in his words, “spoke some Latin at him.”

We met him outside the Senate House for pictures and admired his diploma. He was very happy to be allowed to walk on the grass, which, if you’ve ever been to Cambridge is much more exciting than it may seem.

We wrapped up our trip with a whirlwind tour of London and then it was back across the pond (and back to work) for our very tired, very happy group!

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If you’re anything like me, getting out of bed to go to the gym is becoming harder and harder to do as January (cold, cold January) wears on. Maybe you’re still on top of all your New Year’s resolutions. Or maybe, like me, you need a bit of a push now that the “new-ness” of the year has worn off and 6 a.m. runs aren’t as fun as they were two weeks ago, or becoming a more organized person is harder than you thought.

If you find yourself in that boat, here are a few gifts you can buy yourself with that leftover Christmas money.

1. A Journal to Get You Organized

I got a bullet journal for Christmas in 2017 and it certainly helped me stay on task with my goal to be more organized in 2018! This year, I’m simplifying the way I bullet journal to help this practice better meet my needs. In other words, my spreads may not be Instagram-worthy, but they get the job done! If you’re wanting to know more about Bullet Journaling, the creator of the method just released a book explaining the system and why it works, which you can buy here.

2. A Book to Get You Motivated

This was one of maybe three non-fiction books I read last year and it was by far the one I most enjoyed. If you want to read more about the science behind sticking to your goals but also like to read stories much more than you want to hear statistics, this book is for you!

3. A Belt to Keep You Running

There’s tons of versions of these, but I like a belt that has multiple pockets but doesn’t look like a fanny pack, circa 1997. When I ran my first 5k this past Thanksgiving, my aunt was able to keep keys, tissues, and even mints in her fancy-schmancy belt. I use mine to keep my phone and keys with me but out of the way during outdoor runs. And maybe for you, purchasing a practical accessory like this will give you one less excuse not to make time for that early morning jog!

4. A Bath Pillow to Help You Relax

Zach bought me this as a Christmas gift this year and I have never taken more baths in the month of January than I have in 2019! This pillow is super easy to attach and remove, and it does a great job of keeping your upper back and neck from having to touch the too-cold bathtub rim while you’re relaxing after a long day. Also, this is totally a purchase you can get if your New Year’s resolution was to burn more calories, because a recent study found that sitting in a hot bath can actually burn as many or more calories as a 30-minute walk! So, #treatyoself friends.

5. Some Aromatherapy to Help You Sleep

I got these for Christmas, too! They don’t smell strongly of lavender, but they do give off just enough of an aroma to leave you feeling peaceful and ready for a restful night of sleep. Add these to your 2019 self-care regimen (and make your nose happy while you burn those calories!).

6 & 7. Some Great Books that Remind You to Relax

Zach and I got these books for each other for Christmas this year, and I’ve already loaned my copy to two special women in my life!

EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THESE BOOKS! 

These aren’t your typical productivity or self-help books, but my goodness were they helpful for us to consider. Reset was written first and is directed toward men, while Refresh was adapted from this first book to address similar needs from a woman’s perspective. Both books remind us that the pace in which we live our lives flows from the way we see God and ourselves. Each book is a really quick but great read when you need to remember the importance of a grace-paced life, especially in this first-of-the-year, perfection-obsessed season.

Over Thanksgiving, Zach and I traveled to Alabama to spend time with our families for the holiday weekend. We stopped first with my grandparents in Northern Alabama before making our way further south to see the Vickerys. We had a wonderful time eating, laughing, and even running (I ran my first 5k after my aunt asked me the night before the race if I wanted to join her!).

On the way to our first stop with my grandparents, Zach and I talked about how much we looked forward to our trips to their house as a time to unplug and live a bit more simply, to breathe a bit more deeply. We knew our time would be rushed but still looked forward to the peacefulness that comes from any time spent at “the lake house”. In all the craziness of the past year, a few days with spotty cell service and lots of home-cooked food sounded like perfection.

One of the holiday traditions in my Mom’s family is putting together (ridiculously difficult) puzzles during our stay each holiday. This year we completed two 1000-piece puzzles in the two days Zach and I were there. It was equally frustrating and fun to work through the puzzles together, personal space becoming minimal as we all reached across each other for the perfect piece to complete our chosen sections. 

It’s remarkable how much better a conversation becomes when phones are put away and hands are busy shifting puzzle pieces rather than scrolling news feeds. And without the television blaring, the stories shared were more poignant, my brother-in-law’s wit more biting (and hilarious), and the laughter of my sister and me much louder. Even though our time was short, it felt like all a Thanksgiving should be. The viral video could wait. I needed my hands to hold my sweet niece (or shovel down some macaroni and cheese!).

When we made our way to Zach’s family, the television and cell service was present, but the family still spent quite a bit of time outdoors battling it out in a home run derby. Watching my father-in-law hit the dirt after my mother-in-law launched a hit right at him was much higher quality entertainment than anything I could’ve found online. 

I wish more of life could be spent at the lake house, or outside in a home run derby. We all could use some time this holiday season without cell service. Because when our hands are full of technology, we miss the chance to hold onto all the truly good gifts we’ve been given. The holiday memories made together will mean much more in the years to come than how many people liked our Christmas selfies or the amount of laughs our throwback holiday photo garnered. So let’s plug in the lights on the tree, turn off the television, and put away the phones. Let’s be together this Christmas with grateful, open hands.

I was recently telling a friend about one of my husband’s pet peeves. Often, as he tries to get ready in the morning, I feel a compelling need to be shown love and affection right. at. that. moment. He’s halfway through buttoning his shirt or straightening his tie, even mid-way through brushing his teeth, and I’m engulfing him in a hug or invading his personal space, lips puckered, waiting for a kiss. He is not amused. It does not seem to leave him with the warm fuzzies I feel during those moments. I guess I just have to keep trying!

This week, he is away getting some of our things we left in storage in England and meeting with his advisor in Glasgow. There are no morning routines for me to interrupt. At the same time, there has been a deluge of information parading around me about the importance of independence, but the blessing of community. In our hyper-individualized culture, we all crave community and connection, but the characterization of being dependent on others or needy? We avoid that like the plague. We all want to be strong, independent women who don’t need no man. Or whatever.

I am all about healthy boundaries (regardless of what my morning routine of compulsive affection-giving may indicate). I also prize the individual hobbies and interests Zach and I have and our ability to maintain a personal life that isn’t completely encompassed with the other. However, I also recognize that my husband makes me a better person. Beyond simply liking it when he’s around (which I do! A lot!), being apart from him for any extended period of time helps me recognize my need for him to keep me accountable with my goals, focused on the good in life, and committed to adulting rather than whiling away my hours on Netflix as I would otherwise be wont to do. Can I do these things on my own? Yeah, but it’s much more difficult.

My neediness extends beyond my marriage, though. I spoke last post about the women’s book study I have been able to be a part of this semester. Each week, I’m confronted with my need for godly women of varying backgrounds and ages to speak wisely and lovingly into my life. I need mentorship and the opportunities to converse, cry, and rejoice with women on various stages of their life journeys. I could sit at home alone and read my Bible, pray every day. In fact, I should be doing those things on an individual level. But if that’s all I get? I am missing out, and so are the other members of the church.

And if this weekly reminder of my need for others were not enough, this week our church held a special service focused on covenanting together as a body of believers. I had already begun writing this blog, but I was reminded once again in the sermon that God calls us to meet together, to share with one another the ways the Lord is working (or seeming silent) in our lives. We need one another to spur each other on to good works. God’s Word tells us that we need to be needy. We just can’t go it alone. We need the Lord and His grace above all things, but we also need one another.

So be independent. Be strong. Be productive and efficient and successful. But don’t be an island. See the needs of others and meet them if you can, but recognize your need for others, too. Learn to be okay with being needy.